I met my Husband 3 years ago today (as I started writing this post…lol). We had been set up by a mutual friend of our moms’ about two weeks before this, and he asked if he could come take me to dinner.
We were engaged about five and a half months later and got married four months after that.
Now, two more years later, we are currently prepping for our first baby to be born.
This is NOT the way that I thought my life would turn out…at all. But God’s plan has been so much sweeter than anything I could have ever dreamed up for myself.
I will share that I really did go through some serious “soul-searching” if you will prior to meeting my boy, because up until I met my husband, I hadn’t dated ANYONE. And the “dates” I had been on were set ups for some sort of event (is that even a date? lol) or a casual “meet up” with other friends who were trying to set me up.
I won’t lie and say I was never lonely, never struggled with the question “what’s wrong with me?”, and never wondered why I hadn’t met anyone up to that point. But I will tell you that I really prayed alot about this, especially after I graduated from college and was working and living by myself. I spent alot of time praying and eventually got to a place where I was content in who I was in Jesus. I was happy with the life He had blessed me with, and if a boy walked into my life, I felt “ready”, but I wasn’t like pining for a relationship. I didn’t realize this then, but this was one of the biggest lessons I needed to learn…that only Jesus could truly fill my heart and make me happy. And I was truly happy and content before I met my husband.
All that to say, I did get asked and still do get asked about how quick our relationship went from dating to engaged to married. So today, I’m sharing what went through my brain while we were dating! I don’t have a magic answer or a one-size-fits all formula, but I do think that these three keys are what helped me to know that “Yep, this guy was ‘the one’ for me.”
Key #1: There isn’t a perfect guy out there, so have realistic expectations.
While I did have very high expectations for the man I was going to marry, I think because I had gotten to a place where I was content with who I was in Jesus, I didn’t go into dating my husband expecting him to be perfect. I knew only Jesus was. I knew that my new boyfriend was just a man who was going to make mistakes sometimes. I realized he might hurt my feelings accidently from time to time, I knew that he might say/do a few things that weren’t my favorite, and I knew that he was going to have a few flaws.
Bottom line: I wasn’t expecting to find the “perfect man” because I knew that He has already lived and walked on this earth and now He’s up in heaven.
Now, did that mean that I let certain qualities I knew I was looking for and expectations I had just completely go? No. Not at all. As a matter of fact, my husband is EVERY quality I ever wanted and then some. But did I spazz out when he made a mistake? No. Did I make mistakes too? Yes. I went into the relationship knowing that at some point, that would probably happen.
I realized it wasn’t fair for me to expect the boy I had started dating to be perfect because only Jesus truly is.There isn't a perfect guy out there, so have realistic expectations. Only Jesus is perfect. Click To Tweet
Key #2: If you want to live a life with someone else, don’t expect yours to stay looking exactly the same.
I think when you really love the life you currently have, it is probably easier to push away relationships because you don’t want to have to let go of anything. But in all reality, love usually involves sacrifice.
In all my praying, I had gotten to a place where I also realized that God might answer my prayers in a different way than what I thought. I knew that maybe I might have to be willing to make my life look a little bit different to start living one with someone else. I realized that that might mean needing to quit/change jobs, move, adapt to a different lifestyle, etc.
I had come to terms with the fact that if I wanted to live a life with someone else, I couldn’t expect mine to stay looking exactly the same.
All I can say is I am SO thankful that God put that on my heart and I had come to terms with that before my husband and I got serious (which if I’m being honest was about two weeks after we met…hahaha) because his military job/lifestyle meant that I was going to have to leave mine behind essentially. Yet, I was prepared to make these changes to my life and wanted to in reality.If you want to live a life with someone else, don't expect yours to stay looking exactly the same. Click To Tweet
Key #3: You should have peace about both him and your life with him.
This is maybe the best thing that I can tell you and the one thing that truly made me “sure.” I just had peace. I prayed about our relationship from the beginning. I prayed that God would make it obvious to me if I needed to let go or walk away. Yet, the more and more I was around my Husband, the more and more sure I became because I was SO completely at peace. My mom asked me every time I got to see my boyfriend at the time, “Any red flags?” And I always answered, “No, none. I like/love him more now.” So don’t ignore those red flags if you are seeing them in your relationship because they won’t go away! If marriage has taught me anything, it’s that you can only change yourself. If you’re not at peace, then evaluate why.
But I was just at peace with everything about this boy and everything that building a life with him was going to mean, even though it meant a brand new life in every way possible for me. I had to quit my job, move away from my family and friends, and embrace a completely new lifestyle that I knew NOTHING about. Even thinking about all of that didn’t bring me fear…it brought me peace instead. And that peace is something that I know God gave to me to assure me that the boy I had just met was it for me.
Now has marriage absolutely been a cakewalk? Not all the time, no. But has it been sweet, fun, and full of joy? Absolutely. Do I miss my “old life”? Sometimes. I miss my friends and family the most. And I do miss the world of my job that I left behind some days more than others.
But am I still absolutely sure that God brought me my husband exactly when I needed him and that His plan for me is better than anything I could have planned for myself? Yes, without a doubt!
So, like I said, I don’t have a magic “one-size-fits-all” answer to whether or not the guy you’re dating is “the one”. And to be perfectly blunt, I don’t have a ton of dating experience myself! haha. But this is what went through my head as I was navigating dating my husband in those short five and a half months, so I hope that it helps you!!
The best thing I can encourage you to do is pray. Pray for, around, and all over your relationship! I know that prayer is what got me through mine and still gets me through day in and day out!
Just remember, ultimately, the only “ONE” who can fill your heart and truly satisfy you is Jesus…whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married.Click To Tweet