Have you ever walked into a room, then suddenly felt like you wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground that led you back outside the door of said room? Have you ever all the sudden felt not smart enough to carry on the proper conversations, not pretty enough or well dressed enough to fit in, or not qualified enough to hang with the other people who were there? I have. Dozens of times.
What that feeling boils down to is a lack of confidence.
To be truly confident, we must know WHOSE we are, not WHO we are.
Because when we rest in the security of our Savior, when we find our worth in He who is Worthy, and when we rely on the one who loves us relentlessly, then and only then will we be truly confident.
But while we are learning how to truly root our identity (which is a topic that has been on my heart BIG TIME the past year or so), here are a few tips that have helped me feel more confident as I meet new people basically on the daily as a military wife, and five verses that will help you remember WHOSE you are! None of these tips are rocket science, but I find that when I focus on making sure I do them, it is WAY easier to be around people, which in turn builds my confidence!
People always say “smiling is the universal language,” and that’s because it’s true!! Smiling automatically makes you more approachable and friendly. Who is going to walk up to someone who has a big frown or scowl on their face? Not me! But someone who is smiling at you? Ya I would go talk to them first. haha. So make yourself someone who is easy to approach! Next time you’re struggling to feel confident, smile at the next person you see!
2. Compliment others!
Nobody really likes to be around a Negative Nancy all the time, so make sure that this isn’t you. When you focus on the good things in other people, not only do you build them up specifically, but you are also training your mind to find the positive side of things. Focusing on the good in situations, people, places, etc. makes you much more enjoyable to be around and will cause others to gravitate towards you! Be the ray of sunshine in the room! If you like your gal pal’s top, tell her! If you notice that someone is doing a great job at sticking to a goal of hers, let her know! If you are DYING because a friend walked in with the cute bag or pair of shoes that you have been eyeing too, let her know that it looks great on her! And remember,
Just because you build someone else up doesn’t mean that you’re tearing yourself down, so give compliments freely and frequently!
To compliment someone else doesn’t mean that you don’t have cute hair that day or you’re not doing a great job at working towards your goal too; it just means that you are recoginizing that she is! Don’t you love to be around people who build you up and make you feel good? Be that person!
3. Don’t make yourself the topic of all your conversations.
While it is totally normal in conversation flow to chime in with a “me too” or “one time this happened to me” or “I love this brand”, when you focus only on stories and topics that revolve around you without asking any questions about the person you’re talking to, chances are they might want to either bring someone else into the convo eventually or they might want to talk to someone else all together. We’ve all been stuck talking to someone who can’t get over herself at one point or another… not fun right? However…
It is generally easier to just talk about yourself. So use this to your advantage and make yourself easy to talk to by asking questions about others!
Since it is easier for us as humans to talk about ourselves naturally (at least for me it is… ha!), giving others the chance to talk about themselves opens the door for them to feel comfortable and confident around you! Chances are, they will start asking you questions about you then too! This is a great thing to keep in mind in big group settings where you might not know everyone super well!
4. Appreciate that God made everyone unique and different, including you!
It is SO easy to compare ourselves to others as girls. But you will NOT EVER be confident if you spend your time comparing yourself to others! Realizing that you have special qualities about you that make you unqiue and accept that they are going to look different than everyone else that you know. Your sister, your best friend, your mom, the girl you think is cool, etc. NO ONE is identical, so just embrace and appreicate that while you might think that Susie is extra speical and fabulous, so are you- God just hand-picked you to be made in a different way!
5. When all else fails, you can always talk about the weather!
You know what people can ALWAYS talk about? The weather. So if talking to people is an area where you don’t feel confident or if you have a hard time keeping conversations flowing, comment on the weather! Hopefully that topic will flow into another one or provide a way for a new conversation to start! Having a back up plan usually puts our minds at ease, so go into situations where you might not be as confident knowing that you can always comment on the weather!
1. “I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6, CSB
2. “The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14, NLT
3. “I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.” Psalm 139:14, CSB
4. “…this I know because God is for me.” Psalm 56:9b, NKJV
5. “For you are all sons of God through faith in Jesus Christ.” Galatians 3:26, NKJV
I hope that if you’re struggling to feel confident for whatever reason that these tips and truths help you to remember that you are loved beyond measure by the King of Kings!
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