Lonely is a hard place to be. The thing is, you can be lonely at any time in your life at any season no matter how many people you’re surrounded by. I’ve been lonely while living at home, I’ve been lonely while I was single and living on my own, and I’ve even been lonely married. Here’s the good and bad news about being lonely:
Lonely is a state of the heart not of the physical body.
I have also been in all of the same situations I listed above and felt anything but lonely. It was all dependent upon the state of my heart at the given time.
This is good news for us because it means that we do have some control on our feelings of loneliness by choosing on what we focus on! So here are 5 Tips & 5 Truths for you if you’re going through a season of loneliness. Girl, I have been there too, and here is what helped me get through it.
1. Matthew 28:20 (NLT): “…And be sure of this, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
2. Joshua 1:9 (CSB): “Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
3. Isaiah 43:2 (NLT): “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
4. Deuteronomy 31:8 (CSB): “The Lord is the one who will go before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or abandon you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.”
1. Keep your mind and hands busy. When I’m feeling lonely, I typically wallow. Once I snap out of it, the first thing I do is find a project or task I want to do. Clean out a closet, organize make up, put together a craft, whatever it may be. Doing something with my mind and hands typically helps me to feel productive and more accomplished, and I bet it would you too! Normally, I also want to share what I’ve done with someone else, so that helps aid the feelings of loneliness. Which leads to….
2. Make efforts to connect with others. This is probably the last thing you want to do while feeling alone, but making the effort to connect with anyone else really helps. Whether it be a phone call or a coffee break or a lunch date or a FaceTime chat with your best friend or Mom, being with and talking to others helps when you’re feeling lonely. Even if you still feel lonely when you leave, you just spent a few minutes a little happier most likely! Hopefully, talking or meeting with someone will distract your mind and help you to focus on something other than your loneliness for a while. Lots of times, I don’t want to make the effort to connect with someone when I’m in a lonely state of heart/mind, but I always feel better after I do.
3. Do things you enjoy doing while you have to be physically alone. Doing things that you enjoy while you’re feeling lonely and also have to be physically alone will not only help to pass the time, but they will bring little bits of happiness throughout it. So, paint your nails, put on a face mask, take a bath, read a book or magazine, find a girly something to watch on TV, try to cook a new recipe, work out…whatever it is, if you are feeling lonely and then are actually physically alone, fill your time with things you enjoy!
4. Check your heart- then let Jesus fill it. So I saved the hardest for last.
Typically, when we are feeling lonely, we are trying to fill our hearts with something other than Jesus.
We feel lonely because we are relying on something in this world… a person, a relationship, an identity, a title, a pet, a friend, whatever or whoever it is…we are depending on it or them to fill our hearts. Put bluntly, they are more than likely an idol in your life if you feel SOOO alone without them.
The last time I remember feeling REALLY alone was one of my hubby’s work trips. We couldn’t hardly talk because of time and schedule differences, my friends were gone/out of town, and I live far away from all my family now. I had a major melt down. All that to say, I realized that I had basically made my hubs an idol in my life and wasn’t relying on Jesus to fully satisfy me. I had a MAJOR heart check, followed by a hard attitude adjustment, did all of these tips, and then felt better. So I do know they work from experience. 🙂
Since then, he has been on several more work trips, and while I miss him terribly, I don’t feel ALONE when he’s gone like I did that trip. Because I choose now to let Jesus into my days and heart, especially when I know I’m going to be alone. I start focusing on the blessings I have, I pray more, and I make sure to spend some time with Jesus during the days, and you know what? I feel SO much better even when I’m technically “alone” while Hubs is gone now!
TRULY examining your heart in a season of loneliness will probably be hard, but when you choose to let Jesus walk through this season with you, the state of your heart will improve even if your circumstances don’t.
So friend, if you are in a season of loneliness, know this. I have been there. And so has Jesus. He felt the immensity and the biggest weight of loneliness on the cross when He died for the sins of the world. If you want to read more about that, check out Matthew 27:46.
Even if it may feel and seem like it, you are NOT alone. I hope that these tips are helpful and that these truths provide something for you to cling to while you’re going through this though!
I would love to pray for you- feel free to send me an e-mail if I can do that for you.
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